Release
by heartattackkkkk
Summary: Lisa runs into Susanna and she sees that she has a kid with no father and there comes a solution.
1. Chapter 1

RELEASE

It had been a little more than eight years when I got out of Claymore. When I got released. I was jealous of Daisy who had gotten released and of her dad who just bought the girl an apartment only for her to kill herself because of words that I had said, which was the truth and nobody had said it to her face and until I did, it stirred the pot.

I got out because I wanted to see Susanna again. It was determined that I wasn't actually a sociopath. The words Susanna said at the end to me left me in the thought that I actually wasn't free, because of the ward. I wanted to be free, though, so I soon became obedient when I heard that Susanna had gotten out.

The only reason I called her Jamie was because she reminded me so much of her, even though she killed herself. While I didn't have that much of a reaction towards Daisy's death, I did for Jamie because she was my best friend and you needed friends in a ward to make you feel alive which was hard to do in there and especially when I tongued my meds at night and didn't take the goddamn pills.

I didn't keep in touch with Susanna while I was in the ward, even though I ended up seeing her once I eventually got out. Though we didn't keep in touch, I ran into Susanna in Harvard Square. I had a boy with me, about three years old, who was my son. Susanna hugged me when she saw me which was unexpected but I hugged her back.

"Lisa," Susanna said. "I'm so happy to see you."

I was happy to see her, too. I didn't really have any friends in the real world.

"This is my kid," I said. "Isn't it crazy that I have a kid?" I laughed because of when I said the word crazy, it was a better crazy than years ago and it had a different meaning to it. "Aaron, say hello." He didn't; he put his face behind my leg.

I looked exactly the same to her, I was sure: skinny, yellow, cheerful.

"What have you been doing?" Susanna asked me.

"The kid," I said. "That's all you can do."

"Where's the husband?" She asked.

"Well, as you know. I'm a whore. Been blowing boys for money. I don't know how to keep a stable job. I got rid of him." I put my hand on the boy's head. "We don't need him, do we?"

"Where are you living?" Susanna asked.

It was as if she wanted to know everything about me.

"You won't believe this," I said. "I'm living in Brookline. I'm a suburban matron in Brookline. I've got the kid. I take the kid to nursery school. I've got an apartment. I've got furniture. Fridays we go to temple."

"Temple! Why?" She asked.

"I want—" I faltered. She had never seen me at a loss for words before. "I want us to be a real family, even if there's no father. I want furniture, and all that, you know? I want him to have a real life because I didn't get that. I didn't get..a real life. Now I want it, as you said, when I wasn't free. I want to be free. And temple helps. I don't know why, but it helps."

She stared at me. I was wearing some jewelry and a gold chain around my neck which my Grandma had given me.

"What's with the jewelry?" She asked.

"Presents from Grandma, right?" I addressed this to the kid. "Everything changes when you have children." I told her.

Susanna had told me that she decided not to have any.

We were standing in the middle of Harvard Square in front of the subway entrance. Suddenly, I leaned close to her and said, "Wanna see something fabulous?" My voice had the old quiver of mischief in it and she nodded.

"Sure." She said.

I pulled out a T—shirt which advertised a bagel shop in Brookline and grabbed holf of the flesh of my abdomen. Then I pulled. My skin was like an accordion; it kept expanding, more and more, until I was holding the flap of my skin a foot away from my body. I let go and it subsided, somewhat wrinkled at first but the settling back on my bones, and it looked perfectly normal again.

"Wow!" Susanna said.

"Kids," I said. "That's what happens." I laughed. "Hey, how's your marriage going?"

"Not well. I don't know if it will last." She said.

I was about to say goodbye but, instead, "You ever think of those days in there, in that place?"

"Yes." She said. "I do think of them."

"Me too." I said. "Oh, well. And...hey." A smile crept upon my face. "If the marriage isn't going to last, you a dyke?"

"Why would you ask me that?"

She gave me a look. I could tell from her look that I had found her out.

"It turns out I'm not a sociopath. Remember what you said to me in that place? I need...love, Susanna. I'm not going to get it from some guy."

As I was talking to her, I had almost forgotten that there was a kid next to me. "Um. I've been wanting to say this for years. Remember how we sung that song to the girl who said she was ugly? Um. So, I'm a dyke. Not a sociopath. If you want to kiss me. Daddy is gone. And I want a real family."

So then she kissed me and did that shy look afterwards and laughed and smiled and I did the same. The kid thought nothing of it. He was a kid.

"I guess that cab joke isn't funny anymore."

"Nope." She said.


	2. Chapter 2

No. The cab joke wasn't funny anymore. Now, I could call as many cabs as I wanted, being out of the ward. I could smoke as many cigarettes as I wanted, too, and most importantly I was free. Seriously free. After a little more than eight years. And that wasn't the first time Susanna had kissed me either. Well, I initiated the kiss, but she kissed me back that time we ran away from that place because I was an expert at running away. Was I a dyke? Who cared. I wasn't diagnosed as a sociopath anymore, because I had broken down from Susanna's words. N _o one cares if you die, Lisa, because you're dead already._ Which was why I had to get better. I got Susanna's number after I had met her for the first time in years, rather ran into her at Harvard Square, and she helped me with the kid sometimes but I told her I didn't want to take advantage of her.

She ended up meeting me at my apartment after I had gotten in touch with her. The kid was at preschool when we were hanging out.

"Wow. You not wanting to take advantage of people?" Susanna joked and then laughed. "You really have changed, Lisa. I'm proud. I do miss the old you, though."

Yeah. She was right. In the ward, literally all I did was take advantage of people.

She kissed me again. "That's what you get for being good." She said.

"A kiss? I'm fine with that." I said. "I'm not taking advantage of you, by the way. And the old me is still somewhere inside me."

"I know you're not. Do you ever think of Daisy?" Susanna asked me.

"Yeah." I said. "Especially since I pushed her buttons. I was just so jaded. I never thought of what I said until you came along."

 _Shut the fuck up!_ Susanna had said to me, when I had pushed Daisy's buttons too far. How was I supposed to know she would kill herself the next morning? All I cared about were the pancakes I wanted. To go to Florida. I wanted Susanna to come with me, but she called an ambulance and waited. Because she was a good person. _Fine. Be stupid._ I remembered telling her. But it was so good seeing her again. She was the one who had let us into her apartment, Daisy. It looked pretty lonely without us there to keep her company so maybe that's why she decided to let us in. Until...you know. Suicide.

"It wasn't your fault she killed herself, you know." She said. "I'm sorry if I made you think like that."

"Well, I did push her buttons, but I know. What I don't miss is Valerie watching us shave our legs."

"Yeah. I don't miss that either." She laughed. "Or being depressed. Where's your three year old?" She asked.

"Oh. Preschool." I said.

"So, really no husband, huh?" She asked.

"No, Susanna. I'm a whore." I said.

"No, you're not." She said. "You've really been blowing boys for money?" She asked.

"I told you. I don't know how to keep a stable job." I said. "But goddamn, I've been in that institution since I was twelve and it feels so good to be free."

"I bet." She said.

I didn't really talk about my past much in the ward. In fact, most of it was a mystery except to me which was what I liked about it. One thing was for sure, though. That I didn't have a good relationship with my parents.

 _That I'm a fucking whore, or that my parents wished I were dead?_ When I got out of Claymore, though, I realized I couldn't make a profession from getting into trouble or rather causing trouble. I was pretty much the queen of the hospital because it had been my home for the past more than eight years. I couldn't be a bully to my kid, though, like I had been to the patients and that was something I knew.

"I'm not skipping my meds anymore." I told her.

"That's great." She said.

"Yeah. And I don't have to seduce guards anymore to stop them from telling on me." I said. "So, what's your relationship status?" I asked.

"Single." She said.

"But you said-"

"I told you my relationship won't last, Lisa." She cut me off. "I am a dyke, as you said. I had a crush on you in the hospital. I pretty much idolized you. For being a rebel."

It was clear that we loved each other, at least to us.

"Yeah. That's why I kissed you." I said. "You're the one person I warmed up to in the ward. That doesn't happen often."

I ended up complying with therapy, too, to get out of there. I learned it was better than fighting it. And lived a somewhat mediocre life. Really free than how I thought I was.

"Well, I'm getting divorced." She said.

"From that guy who gave you a blowjob?" I asked.

She looked embarrassed. "No. Some other guy." She said. "Toby thought it was crazy I didn't want to leave, because I had friends in there. And I never thought I would see you years later."

"Me either, Susanna." I said. "Hey, now we can still go to Disneyland. Follow our dreams and all that crap. The kid would love that."

"Yeah. Now I wish I never took that bottle of Asprin." She joked. "And I would love to hang with your kid."

Our hands intertwined.

"I can fuck your brains out right now." I said boldly.

"Okay." She said after she blushed.


End file.
